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Monthly Archives: July 2012

If you’re going to spare the rod, can I do it for you?

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*Quick disclaimer* I absolutely believe there is a HUGE difference between spanking and abusing your child. I have to write that first because I know some people think it’s the same thing, which is RIDICULOUS! We use spankings ONLY when warranted and don’t use it as our first response. Spankings are rare, but I’m not ashamed to say we practice that method when needed.

This blogpost is in response to a photo of a quote that I saw the other day on Facebook that said, “I’m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as children and got trophies just for participating.” That was an immediate “like” and I ended up “sharing” on my page. My thoughts on that quote are simple: People. Put your kids in line and do it NOW. Give them the gift of manners and respect. Oh, and please teach your kids how important it is to try hard to win, but also to lose with grace and dignity.

I get a glimpse of our future every time we are at the park, store or anywhere else children are with their parents and frankly I’m scuuuurred. These children as young as 3 and 4 have the audacity to speak in utter disrespect to you without an ounce of fear. Why is it allowed? Because parents are afraid of their own children, which I find pathetic and infuriating. They’re afraid of the work that will be involved with disciplining. “Yes mother of so and so, you will actually have to get up out of the chair, stop your discussion with your friend, go over to your child, grab them by the arm and take them to a private area and *GASP* discipline your child. Why? Because your child just spoke to you like you’re dogcrap, that’s why. And he thinks he can because you did nothing about it as usual.

A few weeks ago at church my pastor’s full hour long discussion was about spanking. The entire time throughout that hour I wanted to stand up, throw my hand in the air and yell, “AMEN!!” He hit the nail on the head when it came to WHY our children need to get that reminder. If they don’t have that little ounce of fear that their actions could result in a spanking, what’s going to stop them from doing it or thinking that it’s perfectly asseptable (spoken like Supernanny) behavior? Nothing.

The argument that spanking shows your child that hitting is ok is insane to me. Really? I have to say that the kids I know who are not spanked are the ones that are the most physically violent. What’s stopping them? A loooooooooooooooooooong winded discussion on how bodies need to be respected and when you kick, it hurts their heart and blah, blah, blah. They stopped listening to you after you said, “Honey, when you kick…” So what did they learn? That if they kick, there is no consequence other than cuddling with mom explaining something about something.

We do time-outs still, but I know that time-outs only go so far. Yes, they work when you’re not in the privacy of your own home or if it’s just a way to say, “I saw/heard what you did. I don’t like it. Don’t do it again.” But that’s the extent of what it teaches. The problem with timeouts for me is I tend to forget about my children so I get the, “Mom, is it time yet?” Ooops. WITHOUT apologizing for forgetting them, I pretend nothing is wrong with their 10 minute sit on the stair because honestly, what’s the harm in giving them extra time to think about what they did….or learning to be innovative by picking at the carpet and making a game out of it, which is what happens after the first 30 seconds. “Roman. I asked you to stop bouncing the ball in the house. You didn’t stop. Not listening to me is disrespectful. When I say something, you listen. Understand?!”

A spanking happens very rarely in our house nowadays so if and when they get one it’s devastating and makes an impression. That’s the point, right? My spankings don’t hurt and I’m fully aware of that…but my kids simply just don’t like the idea that they did something wrong/dangerous/disrespectful enough to warrant one. They also know that a spanking will also be accompanied with a call to their dad. They have both gained so much respect from him that they already don’t want his disapproval. Thank God for him.

I hear so many parents threaten a spanking over and over and over and OVER….here’s the deal, if you’re at my house and your kid is acting like a little turd or speaking to either of us rude and disrespectfully, you have my 100% permission to go anywhere in my home to take care of the situation. Don’t worry about what I might think because I can guarantee you that my thoughts are envisioning doing it myself.

In the words of my pastor, “When they are children, you MAKE them respect you so that when they’re adults they will WANT to respect you.” If you let your kid run all over you what are they learning? They can do whatever they want, whenever they want to whomever they want. And thanks to your lack of discipline, your kids are now on the road to being those crappy adults that make everyone’s lives miserable.

Another thing society is starting to teach children is that “EVERYBODY WINS!” Um. No. Please don’t give my child a trophy if  they didn’t earn it.  Don’t make up the end of the game to where no one wins or loses or that everybody wins and gets a prize. This is not the way the real world works people. In real life, there are winners, losers and everyone in between. We have to teach our kids to strive to win, but be okay if they don’t. It’s perfectly fine for your child to be upset for trying hard, practicing at something and doing their best….but coming in second place. They’ll move on and work harder at it if it’s something they want bad enough. Am I right?

Now I say this knowing full well that my kids are young and I have not a leg to stand on when it comes to how they will turn out as adults. BUT for now I don’t have to worry about how they will behave to adults and other children. And if my kids turn in to crappy adults I will eat some humble pie right in front of you and hang my head in shame.

Diagnosis: Achluophobia

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***Ok, real quick. As I was looking up the phobia of being afraid of the dark, I came across a list of hundreds of other phobias. I might be afraid of the dark and actual scary things, but fear of opinions, numbers, wind…sheesh, that’s gotta be tough!***

As I leap to the bed again tonight, I wonder if more people are as afraid of the ankle grabber as I am?

Please say yes.

I have leapt in, and sadly enough out, of my bed since….I think…6 years old. And I have many people to blame:

(these reasons make my debilitating issue warranted….to me anyway)

1. My parents for not finding me behind the couch in a stupor while secretly watching The Exorcist at 6 years old never, EVER to be the same again. Was allowing me to continue to watch just a punishment for getting out of bed? What, you never heard of a spanking??

2. My grandparents for continuously reminding us of La Llorona. Was there anything creepier as a kid?

3. The all petrifying stories my Grandpa Chavez would tell us of the young teenager being disrespectful to his parents and finding a baby with a mouth full of teeth that spoke in a deep voice calling himself *dun, dun, dun* The Devil!! Teen was never found.

4. Tom, early in our marriage, popping out behind doors to scare me…that shit ended quick when I convincingly threatened to punch him in his throat the next time he did it.

5. My dad’s scary story of the damn monster who grabbed your ankles as you stood next to it of !! Go figure I’m paranoid of that!!

6. My sisters…ahhh…those ever loving OLDER sisters who love to tease. I remember when Natalie would tease me by talking in a low voice when we shared a room in high school saying “I’m going to get you…” “Natalie, stop it!!!” her “What? I’m trying to sleep so be quiet!!” me “I heard you. Stop.” her “I’m coming for you…” me “KNOCK IT OFF!! MOOOOOoooooM!!!!” her “ahahaha.”

and….

7. Sorry mom, but I have to call you out as well…The sweet and light hearted nap time story of the beast from the “M” mountain who would come down at nap time and look through windows and take children who were still awake.

Actually mom, that’s genius and I wish I would have tried it with my own non-napping children.

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So here I am, a nearly 33 year old (reminder:I’m still 32) freaking out bc of the noises coming from my mom’s kitchen. I’m sitting in bed wondering at what point I will see a figure walk by that stares blankly at me. This is her new house that’s perfect and gorgeous and lovely, but I can’t put it out of my mind that Reagan’s face could appear at any moment.

Funny thing is, I used to LOVE horror movies until I first had Carissa and The Exorcism of Emily Rose was coming in theaters. One night as I was up nursing her and her non-sleeping little self, I saw the trailer. I was freaked out and from then on refused to watch tv in the middle of the night because of it. Only horror flick I’ve seen since then is the Paranormal ones and each gave me nightmares for weeks.

Thankfully, Tom finally let my fixation for turning on lights throughout the house go after we were married 7 or so years. It used to be a thing (not a good one) between us, but now he has just realized how pathetic I am and gives me time to “chase the light switch”: He turns one on as I turn one off…

That’s love right there.

But the weirdest part?  I picture myself in a situation with the scariest of monsters, HUMANS, and I find that 10 times out of 10 I’m on Dateline or 20/20 sharing my story of survival. Put me with a scary, devilish, creepy ghost and I’m pretty sure I keel over and let the monstrous creature do the inevitable; but thankfully I’ll have gone in to shock and won’t feel a thing.

The most embarrassing part is that the kids will eventually learn of this issue as they get older. For now, when they wake up from a bad dream I have to turn on my acting skills that still work like a charm. Carissa: “Mom, I saw a ghost walk across my room. Me: “Oh honey, you were just having a nightmare. There’s no such thing as ghosts.” Then I lay with her in the dark, pulling the covers up to my nose scared shitless and praying I don’t see it, too.

TALES FROM THE UNHIREABLE

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There has been no other time in my adult life where I have felt more useless. And no, I’m not asking for violins or comments trying to make me feel better. I just want to talk about the difficulty of trying to get out in the workforce after staying at home for 7+ years. This post kind of ties in to one of my older ones: Career of Choice: Professional Mom? https://chalehomeskillet.wordpress.com/2012/02/11/now-that-its/

Job-hunting has been a HUGE eye opener for me. My only reason for going back to work was to try and get us near my family again. I was willing to make tons of sacrifices in order to make that happen; main one was relinquishing my ever loving role of being a stay at home mom. So over the past 3 weeks I have embarked on “hittin’ the pavement” trying to find a decent paying job that has health benefits. How hard could it be, right? In an 8.2% unemployment rate and having minimal work experience to even present on my resume? Talk about having to be pretty darn creative filling up 10 years of experience space! Scentsy April 2011-present. Ok, so I’ve been doing well with it, but I’m sure I’ve given more hiring managers a chuckle or two when they see it on my resume. What in the world was I expecting? Alright, I was at least expecting a job offer below my expectations…but not ZERO. **cue deflated ego balloon**
Here is an email from this morning. About sums up every courtesy email I’ve gotten. haha

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So of course it has made me re-evaluate what my goals were before children. After receiving the ever worthless-unless-you-have-a-Master’s-or-want-to-be-a-probation,-parole-or corrections-officer Bachelor’s degree in Criminal Justice. The goal at 22 was to go to Law School and be a badass attorney. Then we chose to start a family after I graduated. My goals for being a lawyer has changed; j ust because I am a damn good arguer (and enjoy winning them) in my personal life doesn’t make me fit for it as a career. Unless there are some lawyers out there who have flexible hours and are allotted time to spend with their families. Ya, didn’t think so.

Now that I’ve had a HUGE reality check these past few weeks, I can’t help but feel like a big, FAT loser…again, not asking for sympathy. I know I’m not truly a LOSER, but when it comes to the answer to this question: What the heck would I do if something happened to Tom? Or if something unexpected happens, like a curve ball in life as it’s been known to happen. I’d be staring at the ceiling pondering what on God’s green earth am I qualified to do in order to support the family. Ok, so we have life insurance as Tom states. But I still need to find a way to make an income that earns more than $10/hour!!

So my solution to all of this: I need to go back to school and get my Master’s. Period. I’ve been contemplating it for YEARS because I always pictured myself having a higher education. However, up until now I haven’t felt that nudge to make it happen. I’m 33 years old in a week which is still young in the whole grand scheme of things. My mom went back to school after the rug was ripped from under her and having teenage girls to take care of. She finished nursing school at 44 and has had the ability to find work anytime, anywhere under some of the most strenuous circumstances. I want that security in myself knowing that if something happened, I would be able to take care of my family if need be.

So I’m going to start slowly since I only have one year left at home with Roman before he starts Kindergarten, and I want that time with him. Once he’s in school, I have to make it a priority to fulfill one of my life’s goals of getting a Master’s. And heck, maybe I won’t stop there. Oprah got her doctorate in her 60’s didn’t she? Although, I’m not sure what “honourary” doctorate means, but I want it dammit! Not really. But I do want to be able to say, “I’m going to get a J-O-B,” and actually get one. haha

PS-I am sharing all of this with you so it puts more pressure on me to make it happen. What’s a better motivator than fear of failure, right? 😉