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If you’re going to spare the rod, can I do it for you?

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*Quick disclaimer* I absolutely believe there is a HUGE difference between spanking and abusing your child. I have to write that first because I know some people think it’s the same thing, which is RIDICULOUS! We use spankings ONLY when warranted and don’t use it as our first response. Spankings are rare, but I’m not ashamed to say we practice that method when needed.

This blogpost is in response to a photo of a quote that I saw the other day on Facebook that said, “I’m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as children and got trophies just for participating.” That was an immediate “like” and I ended up “sharing” on my page. My thoughts on that quote are simple: People. Put your kids in line and do it NOW. Give them the gift of manners and respect. Oh, and please teach your kids how important it is to try hard to win, but also to lose with grace and dignity.

I get a glimpse of our future every time we are at the park, store or anywhere else children are with their parents and frankly I’m scuuuurred. These children as young as 3 and 4 have the audacity to speak in utter disrespect to you without an ounce of fear. Why is it allowed? Because parents are afraid of their own children, which I find pathetic and infuriating. They’re afraid of the work that will be involved with disciplining. “Yes mother of so and so, you will actually have to get up out of the chair, stop your discussion with your friend, go over to your child, grab them by the arm and take them to a private area and *GASP* discipline your child. Why? Because your child just spoke to you like you’re dogcrap, that’s why. And he thinks he can because you did nothing about it as usual.

A few weeks ago at church my pastor’s full hour long discussion was about spanking. The entire time throughout that hour I wanted to stand up, throw my hand in the air and yell, “AMEN!!” He hit the nail on the head when it came to WHY our children need to get that reminder. If they don’t have that little ounce of fear that their actions could result in a spanking, what’s going to stop them from doing it or thinking that it’s perfectly asseptable (spoken like Supernanny) behavior? Nothing.

The argument that spanking shows your child that hitting is ok is insane to me. Really? I have to say that the kids I know who are not spanked are the ones that are the most physically violent. What’s stopping them? A loooooooooooooooooooong winded discussion on how bodies need to be respected and when you kick, it hurts their heart and blah, blah, blah. They stopped listening to you after you said, “Honey, when you kick…” So what did they learn? That if they kick, there is no consequence other than cuddling with mom explaining something about something.

We do time-outs still, but I know that time-outs only go so far. Yes, they work when you’re not in the privacy of your own home or if it’s just a way to say, “I saw/heard what you did. I don’t like it. Don’t do it again.” But that’s the extent of what it teaches. The problem with timeouts for me is I tend to forget about my children so I get the, “Mom, is it time yet?” Ooops. WITHOUT apologizing for forgetting them, I pretend nothing is wrong with their 10 minute sit on the stair because honestly, what’s the harm in giving them extra time to think about what they did….or learning to be innovative by picking at the carpet and making a game out of it, which is what happens after the first 30 seconds. “Roman. I asked you to stop bouncing the ball in the house. You didn’t stop. Not listening to me is disrespectful. When I say something, you listen. Understand?!”

A spanking happens very rarely in our house nowadays so if and when they get one it’s devastating and makes an impression. That’s the point, right? My spankings don’t hurt and I’m fully aware of that…but my kids simply just don’t like the idea that they did something wrong/dangerous/disrespectful enough to warrant one. They also know that a spanking will also be accompanied with a call to their dad. They have both gained so much respect from him that they already don’t want his disapproval. Thank God for him.

I hear so many parents threaten a spanking over and over and over and OVER….here’s the deal, if you’re at my house and your kid is acting like a little turd or speaking to either of us rude and disrespectfully, you have my 100% permission to go anywhere in my home to take care of the situation. Don’t worry about what I might think because I can guarantee you that my thoughts are envisioning doing it myself.

In the words of my pastor, “When they are children, you MAKE them respect you so that when they’re adults they will WANT to respect you.” If you let your kid run all over you what are they learning? They can do whatever they want, whenever they want to whomever they want. And thanks to your lack of discipline, your kids are now on the road to being those crappy adults that make everyone’s lives miserable.

Another thing society is starting to teach children is that “EVERYBODY WINS!” Um. No. Please don’t give my child a trophy if  they didn’t earn it.  Don’t make up the end of the game to where no one wins or loses or that everybody wins and gets a prize. This is not the way the real world works people. In real life, there are winners, losers and everyone in between. We have to teach our kids to strive to win, but be okay if they don’t. It’s perfectly fine for your child to be upset for trying hard, practicing at something and doing their best….but coming in second place. They’ll move on and work harder at it if it’s something they want bad enough. Am I right?

Now I say this knowing full well that my kids are young and I have not a leg to stand on when it comes to how they will turn out as adults. BUT for now I don’t have to worry about how they will behave to adults and other children. And if my kids turn in to crappy adults I will eat some humble pie right in front of you and hang my head in shame.

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About sheuser7

I'm really loving this whole "writing about nonsense" nonsense; it's fun! My first blog 'Bienvenidos' is pretty much me in a nutshell so have a look and leave a comment if you could! :)

6 responses »

  1. 10 years ago, this wouldn’t have been AS controversial of a post as it is now. We’ve spiraled at warp speed into political correctness….and ‘spanking’ is now “child abuse”. Girl, what the parents of these rude kids don’t get is that they are making their kids’ journey in this world even harder. Do you want other children and adults to dislike your kids? Because if your child is rude and bratty—that is the consequence. Mom and dad love unconditionally–the rest of the world does not. I don’t want my kids to be whispered about and have a bad reputation for crappy behavior and bad attitudes. I want them to have pride knowing that other adults appreciate their good manners and politeness. Parents talk. Kids talk. If someone’s kid is a shit—–we all know it. Wake up mom and dad. If your kid is strong willed, just put in the extra effort at helping them understand THEY ARE NOT THE BOSS. At times, maybe that means a pop on the butt. Do it!!!!!!! Otherwise, you are creating a big mess for them later in life. Huge. If you remind your child to “say thank you to so-and-so” and they walk past you and ignore….follow through!!! Make your kid say thank you!!!!! Teach them gratitude and why it is of utter importance to express that!!!! If your kid SPITS on someone—like a father at the park—pop that ass, get an apology from her, then take her rude face home for an early bedtime. Guess what? Chances are, you only have to teach the lesson once (If you’ve truly rocked their world. Don’t expect miracles if you are a softie. It won’t happen.)
    Serena, none of us know how our children are going to turn out. Maybe one of these brats will make a turn around for the better. Maybe my polite sons will fall off the deep end and wreak havoc. That said, why shouldn’t I expect good behavior and manners from them TODAY? I don’t know the outcome, or what their future choices will be, but today you will say please and thank you and show respect to me and your dad, kids.
    It’s the natural order of things: children obey their parents. When it’s the other way around, you get chaos everytime. Too bad so many parents these days are chicken shit of their kids. We all see it, too.

    Reply
  2. AMEN SISTER! I am continually amazed at how parents have never learned our forgotten how to b parents. Apparently they didn’t have my Momma growing up!

    Reply
    • Haha! I can’t even imagine giving in to my kids or allowing them to speak to me like crap. Not to say I haven’t had the sassy tone, but you better believe we call them out on it every time.

      Reply
  3. I join you in not being ashamed to say that i spank my kids. What i fear most is raising disprespectful, disobedient kids that turn into adults who contribute nothing positive to our society. This fear motivates me to discipline my children. In our house we use timeouts, talking/explaining, and spanking. They all have their place. So wether its a hard conversation or a spanking that starts kicking in my ever so available maternal guilt i just remind myself why i am doing it. I discipline my kids because i LOVE them. “Honor your father and your mother”, this kind of love starts at home. God blessed me with my beautiful family and i strive to thank and glorify him by loving them!

    Reply
    • I totally agree that we discipline them because we love them! Tom said that never did he realize when his mom or dad would say, “This hurts me more than it’s going to hurt you,” that they were telling the truth. It is hard to do it, but like you said, when you remind yourself why then it makes it a bit easier. Thanks for commenting!

      Reply

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